I feel like we’re all living within the DC Universe and a new super-villian has made himself known. He’s snuggled up to a pretend billionaire American president so he can have access to the data of individual Americans so he can . . . .
And that’s where my imagination ends. I can’t figure out what Elly Muskrat wants. He’s richer than anyone in history, yet he won’t go away.
Muskrat shut down USAID. Ol’ Pooty, the prez of our grand old enemy, Russia, didn’t like them, because it gave America something called ‘soft power’.
Is Muskrat in Pooty’s pocket?
Soft power is an antiquated term that hasn’t been given much respect in America in this millennium nor the last quarter of the previous century. Soft power is being nice to poor people in foreign countries: aka, countries that are not America, so they’ll let us drill for oil or build a military base on their land.
China discovered soft power and is using it to quietly, but steadily, slurp up all the raw materials in the world.
China is HUGE in Africa. They give away enormous amounts of money and labor to help local economies with roads and bridges. If oil is discovered then China politely asks if they can extract it . . . after spending billions on making the lives of work-a-day Africans better.
I ain’t mad at China. I can’t wait until they start building bullet trains across America . . . I don’t want to think about what they’ll ask us to give them in order to get them thar trains . . .
It used to worry me that China controlled so much of the world’s resources, but they still believe in slave labor, so they can sell stuff SO cheap from the material it gets from Africa that, as long as I still have a job, I can buy all the doodads I want.
Even if tyrannosaurus Rump raises tariffs on China they’ll just cut rations on their slaves and whip them that much harder and still be cheaper than the competition.
You gotta love a country with long term goals.
So, WTF does Elly Muskrat want?
I feel like he’s working out some sort of grievance. Like he’s getting back at all the popular boys who forced him to put his head in a South African toilet while they peed on him. And all the pretty girls who wouldn’t let him squeeze their boobies.
Before the hair plugs and the facial reconstruction Muskrat had what we used to call, “a punch-able face.” Okay, so the hair plugs and facial work didn’t reduce the punch-ability of his face by much . . .
Muskrat was born into wealth. His paternal unit dabbled in mining during apartheid in South Africa. It’s ironic that a guy who threw a Nazi salute at a neo-Nazi rally celebrating the election of a wanna-be fascist dictator is an ACTUAL African America?
Yeah yeah, he was throwing his heart out to all the heartless voters who voted for the dumbest man in the world to run the most powerful country in the world. Sure, that’s what he was doing.
Wink wink, nudge nudge.
But Elly is now, actually, rich. He got there by being a narcissistic bully who hung out with nerds. The guy who knew a guy who could set up your printer. Muskrat knew just enough nerdy shit to know who could get stuff done. Like how he hires actual gamers to grind through the boring parts, so he can play GOD mode with all his weapons maxxed out.
It’s common knowledge Muskrat didn’t invent the electric car, nor did he have anything to do with founding Tesla. You can tell when he took control though.
Before Muskrat got the reins of Tesla, their products were slick, fast and refined. After . . . we get the CyberQuirk. It looks like Muskrat designed it with a ruler and a number 2 pencil when he was 7 years old.
But man did he tell some great lies about the CyberQuirk: the one vehicle we think of when we see his oh so punch-able face.
My favorite was his claim that a CyberQuirk could outrun a Porsche 911 while towing a Porsche 911 on a trailer. I chubbed a little thinking of how cool that would be.
It turns out that it was as real as a DC Universe super hero, but not a cool one like Superman. More like Porcupine Pete. (I know some of you are going to look him up!)
I keep expecting to see Elly Muskrat on TV interrupting regular programming, like in the old days during tornado season, and telling us what his demands are. He’ll be dressed in yoga pants and a towel for a cape with a mask covering his eyes . . . but not hiding who he is. The mask is just because, you know, it’s cool. Like, super hero cool.
He’ll fly around suspended on wires while we see tRump duct taped to a kitchen chair that’s hanging by bungee cords over a vat of sparkling water.
When Elly Muskrat stumbles to a landing and looks into the camera, WTF is he going to demand?
I feel like what’s happening with our government is some kind of doomsday story. Like he’s going to climb into a rocket headed for Mars while we all die of . . . what? Dropping hydrogen bombs on each other?
I used to think there was a conspiracy behind Elly Muskrat’s actions. It’s obvious to everyone that he’s a narcissistic weirdo but a conspiracy would imply forethought. Planning things out, then strategically moving towards that goal.
If you paid attention to what happened with Twixxler you’ll know that Elly Muskrat has a low IQ. He never intended to buy Twixxler, he just got his little feelers hurt by what actual grown ups were saying about him.
Muskrat threatened to buy Twixxler and fire everyone. When he tried to back out they said, “No backsies . . . you pledged a gajillion dollars, now put up so we can cash out!!!”
I’m beginning to think there is no goal. Muskrat cracking open the most closely guarded secrets in the US government is just a challenge. Like a video game. Not a video game that he wants to play, but one he wants to take credit for winning.
I’m beginning to think it has to do with being a billionaire.
If you have any contact with any news about any celebrities you’ll have heard about Ye.
Ye used to be an artist named Kanye West, but now he’s a billionaire.
I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anything he’s put out, but I don’t listen to the radio much. I remember he rushed the stage at an awards show and stole the mic from . . . was it Taylor Swift? I thought it was mildly amusing. I wasn’t mad at him.
Then he married a woman famous for being famous, which is a thing these days. He named one of their kids North, which meant his full name would be North West, which I thought was awesome. It meant the guy has a sense of humor, which means a lot to me.
As Kanye West grew in popularity he accumulated wealth. It’s the American way.
Then I started hearing rumors that he believed he might be the son of God: Jesus’s second coming. Then he started saying he was God. Then he said he loved donOLD tRump and he loved Hitler and that he IS a Nazi.
During all this his wife, who was famous for being famous, divorced him and started dating a comedian that the man formerly known as Kanye West: Ye, threatened to kill in a song that was distributed by a large recording label, to the public.
Ye then married a woman who would go out into public in outfits that left little to the imagination, which peaked when Ye escorted her to the Oscars in an outfit that left nothing to the imagination.
People have been saying that Ye is not mentally healthy for a long time, but when did they start saying it? Was it after his financial odometer ticked over one billion?
Ye is supposedly a billionaire. He said he was a while back, though Adidas gave him the thumbs down for his Nazi comments. When they stopped their sponsorship of Ye there were questions about actual wealth.
Now Muskrat acts like he owns the president of the United States and people are comparing him with the worst man to exist in the last 100 years.
Did Muskrat start going off the rails when his odometer clicked over one billion?
There were billionaires before Ye and Musk, such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet but those guys had to know stuff and actually do stuff to accumulate their wealth. Ye and Musk are just stumbling around and money sticks to them and I think it’s making them sick.
I don’t think this phenomenon of the insta-billionaire is good for the world. I would say to give Elon Musk what he wants but I don’t think he knows what he wants.
