I think, therefore I smirc . . .

This is an email that I sent to my sister a long time ago. She was cleaning out some old files on her computer when she ran across it. She thought it was entertaining and sent it back to me, so I thought I'd post it here.

I think, therefore I smirc . . . is how I used to sign off all my electronic communications, back in the dizay.

Hey sis,

Yesterday this thing shows up on the side of my nose, right where the nostril 'flares'. I thought it was a zit, so I squeezed it, but it didn't have a head. I just made it red and painful.

Mom hadn't seen it until today. When she did see it she threw her hands over her mouth and said, "Oh my lord! What is that on your nose!"

"Um," I said, "I thought it was a zit so I tried to pop it."

I was getting ready to leave for a doctor visit because I think I have bronchitis. Mom said, "You'd better have the doctor look at that!"

"Ah mom," I said, "taint nuthin'".

I took Robey to the doctor with me because she and mom caught whatever it is that I have. I tried to get mom to go to the doctor but she refused.

Since I didn't want to take Robey back there the next day I called and asked if they could just see her with me, since she prolly had the same thing. They said I'd have to ask the nurse practitioner, so I took a chance.

Got to the doc's office, signed in, and when they called me I had Robey go back with me.

The nurse came in (eventually) took my temperature and blood-pressure and I asked if she would look at Robey. "I don't know," she said, "You'll have to ask the nurse-practitioner."

I flirted with her a little bit (no ring!) and got her to laugh, so she said, "Let me go get Robey's chart." (The power of flirting!) She came back with the chart and took Robey's vitals.

Finally, the nurse-practitioner walks in, looks at me, jumps back in alarm and says, "What's that on your nose!"

Uh oh! It's a bad sign when the medical professional freaks out.

"Well," I said, and explained it to her like I did for mom. Then told her that mom said the doc should look at it.

"You should listen to your mother! That's looks infected," she said, "I'm going to order an antibiotic injection for you."

Dang! A shot!

"Hey," I asked, "can you give Robey one too?" The NP laughed and Robey cringed.

Then she has Robey jump up on the table. As the NP leaves us she says, with a big grin, "the nurse will be back . . . after she warms up that needle!"

Robey laughed.

Nurse comes back a few minutes later with a hypodermic the size of a turkey baster, (maybe not that big, but it was darn close).

I asked the nurse, "Which sleeve?" She pursed her lips and gave a terse shake of her head. "No sleeves?"

She smiled.

"Robey," I said, "Why don't you go back to the waiting room. Me and this here nurse need a little privacy." Robey looked alarmed, but got up and went out the door.

Then I dropped my drawers and said, "Thank god I took a bath before I came here." The nurse laughed.

It felt good to brighten her day.

I think, therefore I smirc . . .